What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
