I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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