Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
