I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
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