we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Houston, we have a blender
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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