Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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