the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Randomize
