The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
