xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
