During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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