I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Drake has all the answers
Holy shit dude........stairs
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