when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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