That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch