So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she pinky promised me she was 18
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.