She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
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This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
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We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.