Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing