You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀