Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dating After Heartbreak
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion