At least make sure they are 18
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
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How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
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Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.