dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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