but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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