There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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