I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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