I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If I die, sorry about rent.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
