carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
