If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
