you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
