Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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