I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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