is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
