I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
