you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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