just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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