oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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