sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
