I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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