everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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