How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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