i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
