I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
