I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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