Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
