dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
