The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Randomize
