Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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