He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
