she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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