you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
