I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
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