he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
