im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
