am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
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