yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize