Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
