No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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