Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
