Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
