since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
