Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
