Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
