I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
