I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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