so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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