In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
