I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
