Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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